“Making my way downtown—walking fast, faces pass and I’m home bound. Staring blankly ahead just making my way, making a way through the crowd. And I need you. And I miss you. And now I wonder. If I could fall into the sky, do you think time would pass me by? ‘Cause you know I’d walk a thousand miles if I could just see you tonight.”

I used to have a crush on Marlon Wayans. It was a low point in my life, and he was funny. As with most celebrity crushes, I watched anything and everything he was in (even Senseless).

Yesterday I learned that Terry Crews (who played Latrell Spencer in White Chicks) is moving forward with his civil suit against Hollywood agent Adam Venit for sexual assault. You can watch Crews’ testimony here.

Crews claimed he was threatened with retaliation when Expendables producer Avi Lerner warned that he couldn’t appear in the film unless he dropped his case against Venit.

Perhaps ironically, producer Avi Lerner is also in the midst of his own investigation, having recently been sued for gender discrimination, sexual harassment, and creating a hostile work environment.

This Tuesday Crews testified in front of the Senate Judiciary Committee at a hearing for the Sexual Assault Survivors’ Bill of Rights, a bill that would add new rights in the federal criminal code for victims of sexual violence.

This bill would codify certain rights, such as requiring that rape kits be preserved and that forensic testing is subsidized.

Crews, originally from Flint, Michigan, detailed the events of the assault.

While attending a party with his wife in 2016, the head of the motion picture department grabbed his genitals in front of his wife, and essentially said that he was in control.

Through his wife’s counseling, Crews was able to restrain himself.

In a recent interview, he provided the following context:

“As a black man in America, you only have a few shots at success, you only have a few chances to make yourself a viable member of the community. I’m from Flint, Michigan. I have seen many young black men who were provoked into violence: They were in prison or they were killed. They’re not here. I’m not a small or insecure man, but in that moment and in the time that followed I’ve never felt more emasculated. Watching women step forward as part of the #MeToo movement, this shame washed over me again and again and I knew I had to act.”

“I have to say the silence is deafening when it comes to men coming forward. As I told my story I was told over and over that this was not abuse. That this was a joke. That this was just horseplay. But one man’s horseplay is another’s humiliation.”

Violence against women is normalized.

Violence against men is largely ignored or, when it’s of a sexual nature, mocked.

“Watching women step forward as part of the #MeToo movement, this shame washed over me again and again and I knew I had to act.”

terry crews.jpg

Should you talk to your children about #metoo?

I can’t imagine what it’s like to be a mother.

The choices you have to make. The decisions. The sacrifices. The consequences. The stress. The childbirth and all the other kinds of arduous, pain-staking labor.

How do you know which mistakes to let them make? All of them? Half of them? Some of them? Is there a formula or a cost-benefit analysis you can perform?

How do you know when their curiosity should lead? How do you know it’s destructive? How do you know when their playfulness is important or whether their commitment to play will stunt their capacity for or desire to work?

How do you teach them to be kind and compassionate? To be smart, but value wisdom over intellect? To be useful, but not to impede on anyone else’s humanity for the sake of their own usefulness? How do you teach them to have faith and to pray and to worship—but not to disrespect those of other faiths and those who have no faith at all— and not to be the kind of people who decide that other people don’t have a right to life because they’re not of the same faith.

What if they’re violent? What if they’re dispassionate? What if they’re apathetic, unteachable, and mean?

What if they never want to figure things out for themselves? What if they only want to figure things out for themselves? Things that are dangerous? Things that could hurt them? Things that inevitably could make them hurt other people?

What if they’re cruel?

We were never allowed to have sleep-overs. Even with other family.

I remember understanding why, but still thinking it was ridiculous. No one I knew would ever hurt someone like that. No one I knew had ever been that kind of victim.

I approached innocence innocently, and it wasn’t until years later– years after I learned of stories so horrible I can barely finish this without tearing up, stories of my friends—that I learned I had been so painfully, arrogantly wrong.

I know you already talk to them about things that are private and things that should stay private.

I know you already talk to them about modesty.

But do you talk to them about #MeToo, too?

What do they do if their friends are accusers?

What do they do if their friends are accused?

What do they do if their friends are abusers?

What do they do if their friends are abused?

Will they #believewomen? Will they #believemen? Will they be complicit in shame?

After Harvey Weinstein, stories of sexual harassment and sexual assault came flooding in. The list of accused and accusers seems to grow exponentially day by day.

The Accused:

  1. Al Franken
  2. Andre Balazs
  3. Andrew Kreisberg
  4. Andy Dick
  5. Andy Signore
  6. Aziz Ansari
  7. Ben Affleck
  8. Bill Cosby
  9. Blake Farenthold
  10. Brett Ratner
  11. Bruce Weber
  12. Charlie Rose
  13. Charlie Walk
  14. Chris Matthews
  15. Chris Savino
  16. Chuck Close
  17. Corey Lewandowski
  18. Danny Masterson
  19. David Copperfield
  20. David Corn
  21. Dustin Hoffman
  22. Dylan Howard
  23. Ed Westwick
  24. Eddie Berganza
  25. Elie Wiesel
  26. Ethan Kath
  27. Garrison Keillor
  28. Gary Goddard
  29. George H.W. Bush
  30. George Takei
  31. Geraldo Rivera
  32. Glenn Thrush
  33. Hamilton Fish
  34. Israel Horovitz
  35. James Franco
  36. James Levine
  37. James Toback
  38. Jamie Foxx
  39. Jann Wenner
  40. Jay Asher
  41. Jeff Franklin
  42. Jeffrey Tambor
  43. Jeremy Piven
  44. Jesse Lacy
  45. Joel Kramer
  46. John Bailey
  47. John Besh
  48. John Conyers
  49. John Hockenberry
  50. John Lasseter
  51. Johnny Iuzzini
  52. Junot Diaz
  53. Justin Forsyth
  54. Ken Friedman
  55. Kevin Spacey
  56. Knight Landesman
  57. Leon Wieseltier
  58. Lockhart Steele
  59. Lorin Stein
  60. Louis C.K.
  61. Mario Batali
  62. Mario Testino
  63. Mark Halperin
  64. Mark Schwahn
  65. Matt Lauer
  66. Matt Mondanile
  67. Matt Zimmerman
  68. Matthew Weiner
  69. Michael Douglas
  70. Michael Oreskes
  71. Morgan Freeman
  72. Nev Schulman
  73. Nick Carter
  74. Noel “Detail” Fisher
  75. Oliver Stone
  76. Patrick Demarchelier
  77. Paul Haggis
  78. Paul Marciano
  79. Peter Martins
  80. R. Kelly
  81. Patrick Meehan
  82. Richard Branson
  83. Richard Dreyfuss
  84. Richard Meier
  85. Riff Raff
  86. Robert Scoble
  87. Roy Moore
  88. Roy Price
  89. Russell Simmons
  90. Ryan Lizza
  91. Ryan Seacrest
  92. Scott Baio
  93. Seal
  94. Steve Wynn
  95. Steven Seagal
  96. Sylvester Stallone
  97. Tavis Smiley
  98. Terry Richardson
  99. TJ Miller
  100. Tom Brokaw
  101. Tom Sizemore
  102. Tony Tooke
  103. Twiggy Ramirez
  104. Tyler Grasham
  105. Vicent Cirrincione
  106. Wayne Pacelle

They took him in the middle of the night, kidnapped him from his great-uncle’s home at gunpoint. He was barely waking. He had come down from Chicago to visit relatives in Mississippi. They said that he whistled at a white woman in a grocery store.

Three days later, they came for him. He was lynched. They beat him mercilessly. His face was left disfigured, unrecognizable. They gouged his eye out, tied his body with barbed wire, and tied it to a 70 pound cotton gin before they threw him in the river. He might have died just from the injuries alone, but they chose to be sure. They chose to shoot the bloody, beaten, fourteen-year-old in the head. Three days later his body was found in the Tallahatchie River. Till was 14 years old.

The defendants were acquitted by the all-white jury. It was one of the catalysts for the Civil Rights Movement, and the story of his life and death continue to be memorialized around the world. If they hadn’t come, he might have lived to be 78 years old today.

In January 2017, Caroline Bryant Donham recanted.

Should you talk to your children about #MeToo?

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